Fake Your Beauty, by Bertine

When I was waiting tables at a (slightly upscale) restaurant back in 2013, I had a shift supervisor who was older and super classy in her appearance at all times. She made sure the dining rooms were decorated exquisitely, and she never showed a wrinkle on her clothing. You could cut yourself on the creases of her pant legs. Her name was Candy, and she could be sweet, but she could also be tough as nails. Lucky for me, I was one of her favorites.

You may recall, dear reader and listener of JSOD, that I said I used to speak song lyrics to my coworkers. I also was known for singing and maybe slightly changing the lyrics when it suited me, mostly in an attempt to make my fellow servers laugh, but also to keep me smiling during a stressful lunch hour. When Barry Manilow was singing over the restaurant speakers, I’d be singing my own version of the song. “Ready to Take a Chance Again” became “Ready to change my pants again,” and so on.

I also enjoyed sort of “voguing” to this song, even in front of Candy herself:

Sweet like candy
Yeah I can be
Fake your beauty
Smiling sweetly
Yours completely
Fake your beauty
Baby, baby bubblegum
Tell me are we havin’ fun

And with that image in your head, I give you, for your dancing and dining pleasure, Norwegian born pop star Bertine Zetlitz and her fabulous song from her 2004 album, Rollerskating: “Fake Your Beauty.” If it’s new to you, you are very welcome. As a two-for-Tuesday bonus, I’m adding an even more sarcastic song called “Apples and Diamonds” from 1998, a single from the album Morbid Latenight Show. Had you asked her to run away with you back then, she might have said no because she had:

. . . apples and diamonds
To last me a year
So frankly I’m quite comfortable here
But if you whisper my name and promise you won’t cling
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad
With a fling.

What Does the Fox Say?

While out birding sometime probably in May last year at one of my favorite wooded spots, I noticed movement on the hill in the woods ahead of me. There were four or five red fox kits chasing each other up and down a deer path halfway up the small ridge ahead of me. One or two scooted in and back out of what appeared to be a den there, and that’s when I noticed staring back at me, one of their parents. I was quite a distance away and had just crossed the stream below the hill, but she (I’ll say she, because I just sensed it was a protective mama) was staring at me staring at her through my binoculars.

I nodded my head as if to say, “sorry to bother you, mam,” and moved on. Though I looked for them later through the summer, I never saw them again. I’ve had quite a few good fox sightings in my life, but that was one of the coolest.

So, it was a broad theme this week, animals, either in the band’s name or in the title of the song, but what I found weird was that it was seriously difficult to find a women’s group named after an animal. There were the Pussycat Dolls, but I have them in mind for something else sometime soon. Kate Bush sings of going to sleep and dreaming of sheep and Tori Amos even has a song about oysters, but the pickings were slim for female related material this week. I guess men really are more like animals.

By the way, I apologize for this song if you haven’t heard it before, and if you have, I apologize even more profusely, but what a great finale for a week on animals, right? I had no idea where this song came from back in 2013 or 14, but suddenly everyone was singing in this annoying high pitch, “What does the FOX say?” At the time I couldn’t understand how this tune climbed the charts. It had to be a joke, right?

Well, yes, David. Yes, it was a joke, and that’s why it took off. I see that now that I’ve finally sat down and watched this goofy video and had a good giggle to myself. It was a busy week, I hope you have a lovely weekend ahead of you. Who knows what our next “accidental” theme will be on Jeff’s Song of the Day. Here’s the comedy duo Ylvis singing “The Fox.”

The Scissor Sisters and I Don’t Feel Like Dancin

I’ve been so tired this week. Lots of stuff going on. Dad’s 91st birthday for one, visiting poets at the chapel, some of the busiest weeks at work . I wasn’t feeling well yesterday. All of that had me takingn a few days break from Jeff’s Song of the Day. Today’s song, one by a UK pop group called the Scissor Sister, kind of fits my mood but also makes me smile and gets my toes tapping. That’s the irony of “I Don’t Feel Like Dancin,” it’s such a killer dance number.

We didn’t have any bonus music last week, so let’s make this a two-for-Tuesday, because the second song just makes me think of my mom who passed away when I was 19. There’s so much that I think she and I could have talked about over the years since, and my brother Jeff had some encouragement for me a while back about what Mom might have to me. Plus, to be frank, mom liked a drink or two, so I can see her dancing around with me to “Take Your Mama.”

Quick translation note:

When I first heard “I Don’t Feel Like Dancin,” we were visiting friends in Northern Ireland. I was confused by the phrase “when the old Joanna plays.” Turns out it’s very common to call the piano, “Joanna, the Piano” (pronounced pianna). Maybe you knew that. It’s a Cockney rhyming slang thing if your interested in looking it up. And fun fact, Elton John played piano on this track when it was released on their Tah-Dah album in 2005.

Keeping to the dance theme, the second song mentions a club called “The New Orleans.” I’m not sure which club the song is referring to. There’s one in Warsaw and one in Glasgow, but I can’t find info about one in Ireland, where the Scissor Sisters got their start. I thought maybe it was in London, but it’s possible it was made up for the sake of the song. In any case, to keep the dance feel going, I’m including the live version from the Brit awards in 2005 for “Take Your Mama.”

They helped pep me up and improve my Tuesday mood. I hope they do the same for you. Here are the fabulous Scissor Sisters:

Grace Kelly, “I Wanna Talk to You”

“The last time we talked, Mr. Smith, you reduced me to tears. I promise you it won’t happen again.” And that was my introduction to the Beirut-born pop singer Mika. The opening lines of his song “Grace Kelly” are now iconic. It’s a slight change from the original words spoken by Grace Kelly in the 1954 movie Country Girl, for which she won an Oscar.

I just find most of Mika’s music, which is usually quite peppy, even when it’s dark, to be infectious, in a really good way. “Popular Song,” his 2013 twist on the tune “Popular,” (adapted from the musical Wicked) featuring Ariana Grande, is delightfully devilish. Like much of his music, it’s hard to get it out of your head, and may lead to (gasp!) dancing.

Mika was raised between London and Paris and he recently came out with an album completely in French. If your name was Michael Holbrook Penniman Jr., you might change it too. However, his 2019 album My Name is Michael Holbrook seems to indicate pride in his birth name.

I can’t think of a specific story to tell about this tune, aside from the fact that I frequently find myself singing:

I could be brown, I could be blue, I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful, I could be purple, I could be anything you like
Gotta be green, gotta be mean, gotta be everything more
Why don’t you like me, why don’t you like me?
Why don’t you walk out the door?

“Billy Brown,” “Lollipop,” “Love Today,” and “Big Girls” were all favorites of mine from Life in Cartoon Motion, his first album, and I still bop around the kitchen singing them some mornings while feeding the family pets. But “Grace Kelly” was the first single and helped send the album straight to number one in 2007. His high notes have been compared to Freddy Mercury’s, and he even refers to that in the song, but his style is all his own.

It’s Saturday, let’s dance.